My inner me had became my enemy

Ok here we go I have been this journey of self love for the past year and I just had this wall that I could not break down, through or dig under. I had desires that I wanted fullfilled and goals I wanted to achieve but I was lost. Lost because I just didn't know where to start. Then the bomb that blew up my world went off. Is the that my child was stealing me blind and lying to my face even thought I knew and had proof that she did. No. Is it the fact that I live in a house where I am made to feel like an unwelcomed guest that has overstayed their time. No is it the fact that people have taken my kindness and love for granted and walked all over me. No. Alright I will tell what made my world explode. I was at church fixing that computers and the pastor had a meeting scheduled while in her office I asked her what the meeting was about she said leadership my reply was since I am not a leader then I don't need to be in the meeting so we kept on working. Then came time for the meeting and she wanted everyone in the meeting including so I of respect I stopped what I was doing and went into the meeting. Prayer went forth then she opened the meeting with this question." Are you ready to serve and pay this cost to serve or do you still feel you need to be served. Now there were about 15 of us in this meeting and she allowed everyone answer the question but me. when it vame time for me to aswer she said " I am not fooling with you and you will not loose that up in here' and I just sat there stunned and said I didn't say anything and of course everyone else was looking like what is going on.The meeting went on I then looked at the clock. She then said you must be really bored and I wasn't for sure who she was talking to because my friend was sitting in front of me. when I asked who she was talking to she said you and that is when it happened. I got my keys and said I am going home and went into her office got my software and vacated the building. I was so angry but I wasn't sure why. Then the bomb went boom and I realized that my inner me had become my enemy. For years people have used and abused me. As a child we are taught to respect our elders and when you tell your parents or those that are suppose to care for you that so n so did such n such to you or you don't want to be around this person they tell you to stay in a childs place. Parent and family members say mean things to you about your weight or whatever your tender spot is and then when you cry they say it was said out of love. People can tell your family something about you and they believe it before they even come to you for your side. What goes in my house or family stays in my house or family and meanwhile your being molested by grandpa, cousins aunts uncles or whoever else want so get there funky off at your expense and slowly the inner you becomes the enemy because it won't allow you to stand up and fight for yourself. You know you are good people but your self esteem and self worth has been stripped to zero and now more that ever you want to live for you. You want to love  and be loved the way you dreamed of all those years ago. By her not allowing me to speak just reinforced the noboby want to hear what you have to say. It has been several days since that incident and I now know that if i don't speak for me even if no one care to hear it. I have the right to speak for me. So my inner me will be my advocate instead of my enemy.