I want to LOVE again.

I was sleeping and I heard Chandra singing this song from Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I opened my eye to find the scene where Helen and Malcolm were dancing and the song was playing and I started singing the song. Why because that is exactly how I have been feeling lately. I want to love again. I can't say that my relationships have been all bad or ended  badly I can say that the men were right for me at that stage of my life. I have never been the type of woman that put up with a lot of bullshit from a man. I let them do them and I do me. When he lets me know that what we have don't mean anything to him then it is time for us to part ways. I can honestly says that me and my daughters fathers have remained friends. Damn I done got off the subject. Any who back to the subject at hand. I am ready for love. I am ready for marriage, I am ready to get my back dirty(have sex). I am ready to take care of him and he take care of me.While this revelation made itself clear I was also dealing with a blast from my past. A man I use to date in high school got in touch and is trying to make me his boo. The problem is it has been 30yrs since we have had any contact and he is talking that I love you and I always have and I always thought you were the best thing this side of heaven. I was like well damn. Then my mind got to talking to me and this is the questions it asked. Is he in love with the woman you are now or the teenage girl you were in high school. Is he really  in love or is it the ideal of being in love. So I had to take a step back and think this over because even though I am ready to love it has been a longtime since I have been in a relationship and  by longtime I mean 18yrs  or more and it has been about 7 yrs since I had something to do dick so I have to be real careful not to let the du'fluchie run things when I do decide to let a man into my life. Then I had to think about what I wanted in a relationship, and a mate  because one thing was for sure I am over the girlfriend thing. I want to be a wife in a loving, healthy, full filing marriage. How do I reconcile the Mr from the past to the the woman of today. Damn this is about to be a ride I need to get my helmet and seatbelt for this. Heeeeelllllllppp!!!!!