Featured Post

Girls Trip

What I learned from a movie. I have decided to start blogging again and this is one that was never posted. So I took myself to se...

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Biscuit Burner 1


Biscuit Burner 1: There has been this reoccurring theme going on that is just destructive to our children and the parent child bond. Scenario: Man meets woman with child / children or vice versa or both have children. The two decide to get into a long term relationship or even married. Problem he/ she does not want to have anything to do with your child/ children or you to have contact with your own child /children and will do anything to interfere with your relationship and if you have children together refuse to let them bond their brother or sister. Men, women, young and old, if you have children or a child you are a package deal. If they love you, they love your children too, for they are a part of you. If they want to spend quality time with you the children should be included, this is how families are built and stay strong. If you want him/her to provide for you and your children, you must do the same for him/her and their children. Th...
ese tiny tots are growing up with many dangers in this world and parents are their soft place to land. To deny them safety, love, support. Knowledge, family and a sense of self is mean selfish cold hearted. You can not expect a parent not to be a part of their child’s life just to be in yours. Ladies if you have a man that is doing this run fast. I know you think once we been together for a while, I do my stripper moves, give him some good good cook and clean it will change. Chile please get a grip because if he didn’t bother he don’t want to be bothered. Men I haven’t left you out when you mention that you have a child and she roll her eyes and turn up her face and start that I am not for no baby mama drama. She does not love you she is after what you can do for her and isn’t worth all the hell she will bring if you decide to be with her. If you are the person in this scenario, you need find a man/woman who DOES NOT have a child or children then you can have them all to yourself. Don't dishonor parenthood with your selfishness.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

This weekend brought about a few ups and downs. My sister came home to visit from Texas. My mom and her meet me at Chipolte for lunch/dinner. I spent some time with my baby girl we were talking and I told her that I only wanted the best for her and she was saying that she wished she had went on to finish school. I told her that there is a whole big world for her and her sister to see and that I did not want them to look back on their lives and have a lot of regrets. Out of the mouth of babes is what I always heard my granpa say. She said mom I don't regret anything I have lessons learned. Such a simple statement but it spoke so loudly. It just kept repeating in my head. At 12 midnight I was the end of the 30 day challenge that I committed to and let me tell you it went down in flames the first to weeks but I kept at it and I am glad I did
     My mode of operation is when I mess up on something I just stop and don't complete what I started but this time with help from my Kengi. Who said just start again tomorrow so I did.  Some days would be a success and other would be a test but as I continued the real thing that I needed to work on pushed its way to the for front like a gang buster. Saying NO and putting me first. This has been a very distressing issue for me and several others I know including my daughters. I could not figure out why is was so hard to say such a small word. Two letters N O. Then I began to reflect. Saying NO brings negative emotions. We feel guilty rejected or selfish. I was never told that NO to someone or a situation was right. So as I grew up and life went on I found myself in very unconfortable situations. But I kept right on saying yes when I really wanted to say NO NO and HELL the NO. Fear of the person being angry, me feeling guilty or selfish.or rejections. Septembers challenge started out about superficial things but ended on a deep issue that has held me hostage.  We must teach our children and give ourself permission to say that small yet powrful word. I now know the power of this small word those two letters. I understand and know that it is very very very ok to say Hell to the NO NO NO .

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Conversation with KENGI

WOW I can not believe that it has been almost a year since I last blogged and so much has happened and nothing has happened. I know that was confusing. So let us get on with what this blog is about. I named it my conversation with KENGI because after talking with him my desire for me grows stronger. I know what in the hell the desire for yourself so let me explain. I am a nurturer that is my calling, that is my passion. It give me great pleasure to assist another human being succeed in fulfilling  their destiny.
    August of this year Kengi invited me to 30 days of personal growth. Let just says the first 2 weeks went down in flames. Nothing that I set in my challenge did I attempt except not to watch TV. So I called Kengi or he called me or we played phone tag until we connected. As usual we did the catch up and then we started  talking about the personal growth and I did my confession about it going down in flames and thinking of just not finishing it. Kengi would not let me off that easy oh no. He replied with "So restart tomorrow and just do one thing". I thought man damn he is right and I can just start with one thing. Then I went on to talk other things that were going on and it got quiet I thought the phone were acting up again then I heard Darlyna I answered yes and he said " you are worry about everyone and everything else, Who worries about you? and when are you going worry about you?" I stammered I don't  know. The response brought tears to my eyes. So we continued to talk for a little longer then he loved me and we hung up.
     As the days passed I made a conscious effort to work on the one thing I chose to work on. Then life brought about the real issues that I needed to attend to. My final decision about whether I was moving back to my hometown or staying in the city where I live and raised my daughters. I opted to stay in Columbus but leave the house that I share with my daughters. It is time for me to live my own life. Once that was settled the I had to come up with a plan to be by myself which I was happy and sad about. Happy because I would have peace and quiet. Sad because I would be leaving my babies to care for themselves.
     The plan reve up the job search and begin to clean out the house so when  and if we have turn it back over to the bank dealing with a lot of stuff that I don't intend on taking with me. So I started with the kitchen as I started pulling stuff out the memories began to flow. The more glasses and plates I wrapped and boxed the more depressed I became. So I stopped. I realized that I had buried one half of my family. My daughter, my father, my grandparents, my great-grandparents and my only uncle on my father's side. More importantly I had not grieved about their transition for this life. It felt like a storm brewing in my soul. I could feel the winds of an emotional outburst coming from he depths of my soul and it was going to be an ugly afermath. I was talking but no one was hearing. 
     So I called Kengi we did the catch up. I asked where the updated on his blog was and then I went right into how I wa feeling and he lisened I thanked him for making me think about who worries for me and I talked a little more and then came that silence again where you are not sure if the call has dropped. Then he said while you are grieving for them who is grieving for you and when are you going to grieve for yourself. Then he began to say how he let go of places people and things that were not adding value to his life. I thought I wish I could do that. Just let go. But I am afraid of what I have no clue. We talked a little more kengi told me he loved me and only wanted me to be the best Darlyna I can be and he valued me for me. We said good night, hung up and I cried.
      I have answered the questions that he asked me. I have several who worry about me, who greive with and for me and who love me.
     The morning came and the storm that was brewing has subsided. I went back to the kitchen found the box that I had packed my great-grandmothers dinner set in removed it. Then I went outside pulled the recycle can to the front porch and I begin to let go and I gave myself let go. I took the boxes to the front  porch and began to pitch all the stuff. It felt wonderful. Nothing bad happened, nobody beat me up and nobody walked out of my life and most importantly they didn't care. 
     All this all this time I have wasted being concerned about others, their feelings and well being when it really came down to doing what was good for me NOBODY even cared they didn't even asked what I was doing.
     At the beginning I told you I am a nurturer now it is time for me to nurture me and greive for my loss and rebuild who I want to be. Those conversations with Kengi can be a harsh but they will make you desire the you that was sacrificed for the well being of others. Thank you Kengi I am so glad you have graced my life.