tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69844239151665460822024-02-19T01:34:19.381-08:00PS SpeaksPowder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-49759984990819038602018-11-13T12:16:00.000-08:002018-11-13T17:38:35.243-08:00Girls Trip<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
What I learned from a movie.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
I have decided to start blogging again and this is one that was never posted.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
So I took myself to see the movie Girls Trip and I must
admit it was more than I expected. The movie was hilarious, had several
messages, it made me cry and a left me feeling sad and missing my own girls. I
will get to all of that in a minute. I will say that it was so wonderful to see
women of color portrayed in a positive manner. The married author and
motivational speaker, the divorced nurse who is also single mother, the
celebrity blogger, and the one that keeps the group laughing and is loyal to
the end <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The movie had
several scenes that will have you crying with laughter and I will not spoil
them by writing about them. However I do want to talk about the messages that I
got from the movie.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
First lesson: Never let the fear of being alone cause you
to stay in a relationship that is unhealthy, there is infidelity and no trust.
Even if you are married to the lying cheating can't keep his dick in his pants
man or legs closed woman.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Second lesson: Hold on to the woman you are before life
happens. So many times we lose who we are at our core by putting us on the side
while we tend to our jobs, careers, children, husbands, significant others,
chasing wealth and success for the wrong reasons, or holding on to unhealthy
people, places and things.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Third Lesson: Nurture you just as much or more as you do
everyone else. Forgive quickly don't allow time and the unresolved hurt and
anger push you apart. Doing so will help you not to lose out on support and
making memories with those you love. </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
This movie also made me sad. Sad because I have friends
that I have been in friendship with for over 10, 20 and 30 years and a two from
childhood. It saddens me that my own daughters will not know or experience that
kind of true friendship. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That makes me
sad for them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-78288533907379574562013-10-22T11:45:00.003-07:002013-10-22T11:45:25.938-07:00I AM A BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" unselectable="on"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" unselectable="on"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" unselectable="on"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;" unselectable="on"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisbYf3zV22dhWU2OmPD_gxr9MEGXVUgof3OWc1EIpald0rFIVqYxP2te9tXM0W2RyRueI58QO7hFAvTGZ7Gk0n6u1Q1QMoWhju4eiLmhkLdisnSu3FfB0iKjchodQMJe2bUzprr2pnifU/s1600/big+momma.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisbYf3zV22dhWU2OmPD_gxr9MEGXVUgof3OWc1EIpald0rFIVqYxP2te9tXM0W2RyRueI58QO7hFAvTGZ7Gk0n6u1Q1QMoWhju4eiLmhkLdisnSu3FfB0iKjchodQMJe2bUzprr2pnifU/s1600/big+momma.jpg" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNqZ5I0qK02xiBn_24yNWQ947stJAK9BGC8RSs-KXw44WkEViVBH_pKIdwtIH6V85D3cPryfuqbBtEihq7RSwWvxmhZ1rXj58OzkYoAlMwbDtEWzFhyP5sUK09sBwRhQlnv0g9isFXtjY/s1600/me2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNqZ5I0qK02xiBn_24yNWQ947stJAK9BGC8RSs-KXw44WkEViVBH_pKIdwtIH6V85D3cPryfuqbBtEihq7RSwWvxmhZ1rXj58OzkYoAlMwbDtEWzFhyP5sUK09sBwRhQlnv0g9isFXtjY/s200/me2.jpg" width="133" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGKKzeNem6vW6xOCcxCdj2dKmSidYSoThl2PJ_wN4yk8tcVKx9AKGGmTCfuxz2Z4CRciIJ4vmKvP4zkiFhyoLm7_cdWZkSpEvGiUDkTUXZRLBnFfLLs_OFq01S_ZM1uxD4l0WlN_STy2c/s1600/me1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGKKzeNem6vW6xOCcxCdj2dKmSidYSoThl2PJ_wN4yk8tcVKx9AKGGmTCfuxz2Z4CRciIJ4vmKvP4zkiFhyoLm7_cdWZkSpEvGiUDkTUXZRLBnFfLLs_OFq01S_ZM1uxD4l0WlN_STy2c/s200/me1.jpg" width="125" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9ww5AlzvUkx0RBVHeQYIgRKwH-s6qbN2dp8zH9Jk-D2oLUrKuxg9YkxXmzJZNTXgRfBXcvHD95Xh0mM9Z5iDgg78Se08-4e3H8y6MsR0CjKitt0rvq3K7Egct-U90m9x5Z2GNmy5kvQo/s1600/me3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9ww5AlzvUkx0RBVHeQYIgRKwH-s6qbN2dp8zH9Jk-D2oLUrKuxg9YkxXmzJZNTXgRfBXcvHD95Xh0mM9Z5iDgg78Se08-4e3H8y6MsR0CjKitt0rvq3K7Egct-U90m9x5Z2GNmy5kvQo/s200/me3.jpg" width="148" /></a></div>
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_jfhpX387Ku4frQeWUfctl5iJF71OMLgMvNsKFBMb1lteKyR1mwmN6Q9jAmjrWTB_TdwnAD4jg4VtXPwAvuOWJHt1AWCyAiSKgxtCMhRFasNcAIFYG6gVwdo2Ki1wbTcWOgSJUQjTw4c/s1600/me4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: black;">
</span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_jfhpX387Ku4frQeWUfctl5iJF71OMLgMvNsKFBMb1lteKyR1mwmN6Q9jAmjrWTB_TdwnAD4jg4VtXPwAvuOWJHt1AWCyAiSKgxtCMhRFasNcAIFYG6gVwdo2Ki1wbTcWOgSJUQjTw4c/s1600/me4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_jfhpX387Ku4frQeWUfctl5iJF71OMLgMvNsKFBMb1lteKyR1mwmN6Q9jAmjrWTB_TdwnAD4jg4VtXPwAvuOWJHt1AWCyAiSKgxtCMhRFasNcAIFYG6gVwdo2Ki1wbTcWOgSJUQjTw4c/s200/me4.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Add caption</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</a><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_jfhpX387Ku4frQeWUfctl5iJF71OMLgMvNsKFBMb1lteKyR1mwmN6Q9jAmjrWTB_TdwnAD4jg4VtXPwAvuOWJHt1AWCyAiSKgxtCMhRFasNcAIFYG6gVwdo2Ki1wbTcWOgSJUQjTw4c/s1600/me4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">On the left
is a picture of Big Momma to the right are several pictures <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of me ranging from a Senior in high school to
present not then nor now have I ever looked like Big Momma from the movie. I am
a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman) and make no apologies about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_jfhpX387Ku4frQeWUfctl5iJF71OMLgMvNsKFBMb1lteKyR1mwmN6Q9jAmjrWTB_TdwnAD4jg4VtXPwAvuOWJHt1AWCyAiSKgxtCMhRFasNcAIFYG6gVwdo2Ki1wbTcWOgSJUQjTw4c/s1600/me4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;">
<span style="color: black;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">With that
being said let me address this issue for all the BBW’S and BBM’S. We do not
resemble or look like Rasputia from Norbit, Edna Turnblad from Hairspray,
Precious or Madea from any of Tyler Perry’s plays or movies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our men don’t look like or resemble Fat
Albert, Sherman Klump, Daddy Klump, Ernie klump Sr. or Fat Bastard from Austin
Powers movie.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you
refer to us in this manner we do not consider it a compliment nor do we think it
is cute or funny. Matter of fact it is rude inconsiderate, mean spirited,
hurtful and for those with low self-esteem it makes them feel even worse about
themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just because
we don’t say anything doesn’t make it any less ignorant to say or hurtful. And
for all you fat people that make fun of other fat people and laugh when others
do it get a grip. You just reinforce that it is okay to act so callously
towards another human being. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And by the
way while you making those ugly remarks and laughing. I will leave you ladies
and men with this piece of advice from Madea “check with man” “check with your
woman” cause they may be an undercover chubby chaser. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black;">
</span></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" unselectable="on"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" unselectable="on"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" unselectable="on"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" unselectable="on"></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-72685499739254142882013-07-29T16:19:00.000-07:002013-07-29T16:21:33.926-07:00What is stopping you from getting the love that you want<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="color: black;"> I posted this question on my facebook. "what is stopping you from getting the <u>LOVE</u> that you want?" Only two responded and their answers where there ego and pride.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"> After much thought to the question, this is the answer that keep coming back to me. I am what is stopping me from getting the LOVE that I want. I have been in mommy mode for the last 27yrs, and expect for about 6 months of that last 22 years I have been single and celibate. My life consisted of working, taking a class here and there, basketball games, and just everyday life of running a household as a single mother. If I did anything else it was dinner, movies or out for drinks with my girls friends.</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"> I know some of you may think that I must have been in a bad relationship, I feel like I don't need a man, I am a man basher or I think there are no good men left. So let me just set the record straight. My relationships were not abusive and I remained friends with the men. I do need a man not to make me feel like a whole woman but because I miss the company of a man. As for male bashing and no good men left I think that MEN, especially Black men, are the best thing God created this side of Heaven and there are still good ones out there.</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"> The desire for male companionship burst in the daylight about 2 months ago. I am enrolled in a program for displaced unemployed or under employed woman. Part of the programs was to concentrate on the things we want and what we need to make us feel healthy and whole. After several weeks of this planning my life stage, the feeling that there was something missing would not leave. Then I dreamed about AW and the missing piece was found.I knew I wasn't ready to be in a relationship but I missed just having a good conversation with a man. Hearing his point on a subject. Don't get me wrong I love my girls but there is just something different when talking to a man. </span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"> Am I afraid of failing, of course, but I am more afraid of not knowing what the hell I am doing and even more afraid not trying to get involved with men on a friendly basis. I have let that part of me lay dormant for so long that it is like resurrecting the dead. </span><span style="font-family: Arial;">The Problem is that I have been alone so long that I don't know how to allow someone else into my personal space. I am just unsure how to relate to a man on a one on one level. How long do you wait to give them your number? what questions to ask them without offending them? Should you do a criminal background check? Ask their HIV Status. I mean I could go on but I think you all get the picture.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"> I have made the effort to open up and interact with a few men but it didn't go so well. The first one was simple minded, didn't have a clue about women or was just trying to play mind games. The second one he was rough for real and let me just state for the record I AM NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE. There is a level that I just can not do now. Maybe 10 years ago I could hung but not now. Now we come to gentleman 3 and I am running for the hills. He can hold a great conversation, He seems interested in getting to know about me and what I like to do. Now I guess I just have to suck it up and let the chip fall where they may. </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span>Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com0United States40.513799155044133 -82.26562534.287559655044134 -92.592773499999993 46.740038655044131 -71.938476500000007tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-8079296570490173142013-05-30T14:36:00.000-07:002013-05-30T14:39:07.352-07:00<h2>
The Question is: How did I let it get so bad?</h2>
<br />
So I have been wanting a bicycle for the last 2 years or more but because of my weight i was unsure of what brand would work for me. So, I went to the only expert I know my Uncle Cleo. My uncle has ridden for years and he travel around the country riding on the bike tours. So I went to talk to him and he said he would keep and eye out for me. a couple of days later he called me and said that I needed to start walking and I said ok. I enlisted my pnc(partner in crime) to walk with me. We decided that we would walk Monday Wednesday and Fridays. Well let me just say I text my uncle and told him I wouldn't be needing the bike this year bacause I didn't realize how out of shape I am. <br />
<br />
Now this bring me to the title of this post. While I knew I was extemely overweight I never thought I was so out of shape. The first couple of walks I did even make it that far and I was breathing so hard I was scared. Then I began to be ashamed. Ashamed that I couldn't walk more that 10 minutes, ashamed that I sounded like a freight train breathing, ashamed that I had allowed myself to beome so out of shape,but most importantly that I had not paid attention to myself, my health and my life.<br />
<br />
I will be 50 on June 1st of this year and I will not spend the next years over weight, out of shape and living a minimal life. I am a big girl not physically but in all areas of my life but they have been overshadowed by how I have been living. On of my youtube people said big girls need big toys. I don't just want the big toys I want a big life. So when I leave this life. My family, Friends, and Sugacubes cans says she lived a big full life.<br />
<br />
My New Years starts on my birthday not January 1 and I intend to start living life to the fullest. As my stamina increases so will the the things I will be doing. My first thing is to up the days of my walking from Monday Wdnesday and Friday to Monday thru Sunday. I am making my to do list now and I will accomplish them all including hitting the Mega Millions so that I can support the poverty stricken and give back to my community especially those like me that have let life pass them by and discovered they have so much to give but just don't know where to start.<br />
<br />
Love ones, pay attention to your life everyday and live it to the fullest.<br />
<br />Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com0Columbus Ohio36.315125147480508 -103.007812511.670937147480508 -144.3164065 60.959313147480508 -61.6992185tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-39676900766648711022012-10-04T11:01:00.000-07:002012-10-04T11:01:12.435-07:00Biscuit Burner 1<span class="userContent"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_506dce4396d834837454568">
Biscuit Burner 1: There has been this reoccurring theme going on that is just destructive to our children and the parent child bond. Scenario: Man meets woman with child / children or vice versa or both have children. The two decide to get into a long term relationship or even married. Problem he/ she does not want to have anything to do with your child/ children or you to have contact with your own child /children and will do anything to interfere with your relationship and if you have children together refuse to let them bond their brother or sister. Men, women, young and old, if you have children or a child you are a package deal. If they love you, they love your children too, for they are a part of you. If they want to spend quality time with you the children should be included, this is how families are built and stay strong. If you want him/her to provide for you and your children, you must do the same for him/her and their children. Th<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span>
<div class="text_exposed_show">
ese tiny tots are growing up with many dangers in this world and parents are their soft place to land. To deny them safety, love, support. Knowledge, family and a sense of self is mean selfish cold hearted. You can not expect a parent not to be a part of their child’s life just to be in yours. Ladies if you have a man that is doing this run fast. I know you think once we been together for a while, I do my stripper moves, give him some good good cook and clean it will change. Chile please get a grip because if he didn’t bother he don’t want to be bothered. Men I haven’t left you out when you mention that you have a child and she roll her eyes and turn up her face and start that I am not for no baby mama drama. She does not love you she is after what you can do for her and isn’t worth all the hell she will bring if you decide to be with her. If you are the person in this scenario, you need find a man/woman who DOES NOT have a child or children then you can have them all to yourself. Don't dishonor parenthood with your selfishness.</div>
</div>
Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-60721878617874825202012-10-02T00:28:00.000-07:002013-05-30T14:39:55.988-07:00NoThis weekend brought about a few ups and downs. My sister came home to visit from Texas. My mom and her meet me at Chipolte for lunch/dinner. I spent some time with my baby girl we were talking and I told her that I only wanted the best for her and she was saying that she wished she had went on to finish school. I told her that there is a whole big world for her and her sister to see and that I did not want them to look back on their lives and have a lot of regrets. Out of the mouth of babes is what I always heard my granpa say. She said mom I don't regret anything I have lessons learned. Such a simple statement but it spoke so loudly. It just kept repeating in my head. At 12 midnight I was the end of the 30 day challenge that I committed to and let me tell you it went down in flames the first to weeks but I kept at it and I am glad I did<br />
My mode of operation is when I mess up on something I just stop and don't complete what I started but this time with help from my Kengi. Who said just start again tomorrow so I did. Some days would be a success and other would be a test but as I continued the real thing that I needed to work on pushed its way to the for front like a gang buster. Saying <strong><u>NO</u></strong> and putting me first. This has been a very distressing issue for me and several others I know including my daughters. I could not figure out why is was so hard to say such a small word. Two letters <strong><em>N O</em></strong>. Then I began to reflect. Saying <strong><em>NO</em></strong> brings negative emotions. We feel guilty rejected or selfish. I was never told that NO to someone or a situation was right. So as I grew up and life went on I found myself in very unconfortable situations. But I kept right on saying yes when I really wanted to say <strong><em>NO NO</em></strong> and <strong><em>HELL the NO</em></strong>. Fear of the person being angry, me feeling guilty or selfish.or rejections. Septembers challenge started out about superficial things but ended on a deep issue that has held me hostage. We must teach our children and give ourself permission to say that small yet powrful word. I now know the power of this small word those two letters. I understand and know that it is very very very ok to say <strong><em>Hell to the NO NO NO</em></strong> . Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-30854134097903728582012-09-23T18:33:00.000-07:002012-09-23T18:33:13.399-07:00Conversation with KENGIWOW I can not believe that it has been almost a year since I last blogged and so much has happened and nothing has happened. I know that was confusing. So let us get on with what this blog is about. I named it my conversation with KENGI because after talking with him my desire for me grows stronger. I know what in the hell the desire for yourself so let me explain. I am a nurturer that is my calling, that is my passion. It give me great pleasure to assist another human being succeed in fulfilling their destiny. <br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
August of this year Kengi invited me to 30 days of personal growth. Let just says the first 2 weeks went down in flames. Nothing that I set in my challenge did I attempt except not to watch TV. So I called Kengi or he called me or we played phone tag until we connected. As usual we did the catch up and then we started talking about the personal growth and I did my confession about it going down in flames and thinking of just not finishing it. Kengi would not let me off that easy oh no. He replied with "So restart tomorrow and just do one thing". I thought man damn he is right and I can just start with one thing. Then I went on to talk other things that were going on and it got quiet I thought the phone were acting up again then I heard Darlyna I answered yes and he said " you are worry about everyone and everything else, Who worries about you? and when are you going worry about you?" I stammered I don't know. The response brought tears to my eyes. So we continued to talk for a little longer then he loved me and we hung up.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
As the days passed I made a conscious effort to work on the one thing I chose to work on. Then life brought about the real issues that I needed to attend to. My final decision about whether I was moving back to my hometown or staying in the city where I live and raised my daughters. I opted to stay in Columbus but leave the house that I share with my daughters. It is time for me to live my own life. Once that was settled the I had to come up with a plan to be by myself which I was happy and sad about. Happy because I would have peace and quiet. Sad because I would be leaving my babies to care for themselves.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The plan reve up the job search and begin to clean out the house so when and if we have turn it back over to the bank dealing with a lot of stuff that I don't intend on taking with me. So I started with the kitchen as I started pulling stuff out the memories began to flow. The more glasses and plates I wrapped and boxed the more depressed I became. So I stopped. I realized that I had buried one half of my family. My daughter, my father, my grandparents, my great-grandparents and my only uncle on my father's side. More importantly I had not grieved about their transition for this life. It felt like a storm brewing in my soul. I could feel the winds of an emotional outburst coming from he depths of my soul and it was going to be an ugly afermath. I was talking but no one was hearing. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
So I called Kengi we did the catch up. I asked where the updated on his blog was and then I went right into how I wa feeling and he lisened I thanked him for making me think about who worries for me and I talked a little more and then came that silence again where you are not sure if the call has dropped. Then he said while you are grieving for them who is grieving for you and when are you going to grieve for yourself. Then he began to say how he let go of places people and things that were not adding value to his life. I thought I wish I could do that. Just let go. But I am afraid of what I have no clue. We talked a little more kengi told me he loved me and only wanted me to be the best Darlyna I can be and he valued me for me. We said good night, hung up and I cried.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I have answered the questions that he asked me. I have several who worry about me, who greive with and for me and who love me.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
The morning came and the storm that was brewing has subsided. I went back to the kitchen found the box that I had packed my great-grandmothers dinner set in removed it. Then I went outside pulled the recycle can to the front porch and I begin to let go and I gave myself let go. I took the boxes to the front porch and began to pitch all the stuff. It felt wonderful. Nothing bad happened, nobody beat me up and nobody walked out of my life and most importantly they didn't care. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
All this all this time I have wasted being concerned about others, their feelings and well being when it really came down to doing what was good for me NOBODY even cared they didn't even asked what I was doing.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
At the beginning I told you I am a nurturer now it is time for me to nurture me and greive for my loss and rebuild who I want to be. Those conversations with Kengi can be a harsh but they will make you desire the you that was sacrificed for the well being of others. Thank you Kengi I am so glad you have graced my life. </div>
Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-12859715909777552882011-11-30T16:05:00.000-08:002011-11-30T16:05:47.658-08:00You are free to invent your life.The title of this blog says it all. I am free to invent my own life. God does work in mysterious ways indeed. He has blessed me with a tiny tot for christ by the name of Kamarah. Kamarah is a music child she loves to sing. So when she comes to visit we have rotation of videos we watch and sing to. First is Niki Minaj Superbass, then Bruno Mars Lazy Song and last is Kelena(selena) Gomez as Kamarah calls her Who Says. In the song she singsWho says, who says you're not perfect? Who says you're not worth it? Who says you're the only one that's hurtin'? Trust me, that's the price of beauty Who says you're not pretty? Who says you're not beautiful? Who says? Who says you’re not star potential? Who says you’re not presidential?Who says you can’t be in movies? Who says. Then one of the ladies channel I subscribe to on Youtube Kiana was talking about defining your beauty. Soo I began to take stock of my life and it made me sad. Sad for myself and my daughters. Why because I allowed others to define my life according o hier rules and how they thought I should live, parent and what I should be doing in my life. Why did I just allow what people said about what I should do with my life, how I parented my children, who I dated and the people I choose to allow into my life be the rules I lived by. Society tells you if you ae a single parent that you and your children are at a disadvantage. Family tells you what you should do and how o raise yours when they did do such a hot job at raising their own. We measure our looks according to others standards instead of developing our own self image and we perpetate the same madness on too our children. When I had my daughters all I wanted was for them to have a better life than mine. But what I really wanted was for their quality of life to be better. So I worked hard and gave them the best I could and this is where I failed them yes their material life was better but their life experience was worse. I was young, stupid and battling my own self issues. I was so busy trying to prove to other my value and that I was good enough that me and my girls got lost in the sea of who says. Along with the craziness of living for others I picked up the captain save a ho syndrom. You know it that need to help everyone and make there lives better while your own is falling apart. Now at 48 I am tired and all gave out. I was told that life for me is about to change and that I need to heal the broken place in me but I find myself unsure of exactly how to do this. I have so many things that I am questioning now even those who I friend. Kengi says "I have people that have been in my life for years but that don't make them my friend just someone I have known for a long time". The one thing that I have learned for sure these last months is that my mental health is most important. Now I refect ack on all those things that I thought I wanted and those things that I said I didn't want and have realize it was all based on the rules that others had set for m life and not what I waned. Man this life journey of loving me just keeps getting all topsy turvy but I do know when I land it will be on a solid foundation built on what I believe is best for me.look out world here I come. BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com1Columbus, OH, USA39.9611755 -82.9987942000000239.786855 -83.218245200000027 40.135496 -82.779343200000014tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-17421842482540619942011-11-22T09:00:00.000-08:002011-11-22T09:00:04.760-08:00Enough <br />
<div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 6pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Hey SugaCubes the holidays are approaching and many of us are feeling an array of emotions. Sadness at the thought of spending them without love one who have passed or we are unable to be with for whatever reason. Depression because the holiday season brings about hurtful memories. Loneliness because we have no one to spend them with or heartache from the loss of a love one. For me it is all of the above. August 24, 2011 my grandmother transitioned from this life. Leaving me with a mess. financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is now almost 3 months later and I still have not grieved. I tear up from time to time but as for actually crying it hasn't happened and I am not sure why. Maybe I am not suppose to cry.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div><div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 6pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">My grandmother was a hard woman. She was mean, did and said a lot of hurtful things to her family and people in general. If she knew something ugly about you she would refer to you as the girl that did such an such or that boy that did so in so. Never by their name but by what they did and I don't care how long it had been she would bring it up. I digress the point of this blog is ENOUGH. </div><div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 6pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Wednesday at Bible Study the pastor was talking about the poem I always called "I wish you Enough" which I will include a the end of this blog post. I am not sure of the author I am sure it was not me. Any who at the end of the poem it says I wish you enough hello's to get you though the final Good-bye. Then it happened tears began to fall not because I was sad but because I had enough to get me through the final good-bye when I am ready. </div><div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 6pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">September 2, 2011 family and friends gathered to say their final good-bye but I still was not ready. Not because I didn't want to let her go but because I wasn't sure if she really understood my love for her. I love my grandma with all that I am and my only desire was to be with her and take care of her until the end. Did I succeed? Yes to the best of my ability and what she would allow.</div><div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 6pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"> Although my patients may have run short with my grandma and her mess <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my love never did. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were times I wanted to go to the funeral home tell them to open the casket and slap her face then there were times I wanted to go and just push her casket over and say there and walk away. End the end I never saw her again because I would have just fell over the casket and cried like a two year old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The tears would have been for all the wasted time we should have been loving each other but she wanted to fight instead. Tears because I wanted to love her and she mad it hard. Tears, because I have more bad memories of her than good ones. Tears because I am here with the people that have scars from the wounds she inflected and every time I see them I want to cry and say I am so sorry she treated you that way or said that to you or did that to you. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 6pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am I still angry with my grandmother you bet your sweet ass I am. I am not angry with her for being mean and hurtful but for leaving with out allowing her family to love her and allow us to know that she knew we loved her. Until the very end she made the relationship hard.</div><div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 6pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">So my SugaCubes PowdaSuga is going to leave you with these three things: 1.Don’t make it hard for people to love you. 2. I wish you ENOUGH. 3. The following poem</div><div style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 6pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><br />
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. <br />
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. <br />
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. <br />
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. <br />
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. <br />
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. <br />
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye.."<!-- InstanceEndEditable -->Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-38523784171533857162011-02-21T04:00:00.000-08:002011-02-21T04:00:10.240-08:00Emergency Broadcast system<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Dotum", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I Knew It!!!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Dotum", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That is the first thing that comes out of our mouths when the suspicion about something or someone is confirmed. We say things like “I knew it was something about him/her I just couldn't put my finger on it or watch out for that one I do not trust them and I just do not feel right about this and the list could on and on of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>things said when what we have suspected has come true. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Dotum", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>We are all born with discernment which is to help us from falling prey to peoples who will take advantage of us. But for some reason as we grow older we override that voice, feeling, natural warning signal or whatever you would want to call it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Dotum", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> If you watch children when they are infants up until they start school if they are unsure or someone comes around that they don’t care for they go the other way or hide behind their parents. Why because they are trusting that built in safety device to protect themselves from harm and danger. But as we are introduced to society and all that it brings we are encouraged to ignore the warnings signs and by the time we are adults the blaring warning signal that is screaming “danger Will Robinson danger danger” is barely audible so we don’t pay it any attention.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Dotum", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I am guilty of ignoring my emergency broadcast system. I have been in relationships that were unhealthy for me. Which lead me to be hurt by people I trusted and loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many of the friendships were one-sided with me giving more than I got. Unfaithful men or becoming involved with someone that really didn’t want me but what I could do for him. Working for employers that did not have my best interest in mind and when I was not a viable resource for them let me go. Family saying and treating me any way they want because they are family. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The one place that I surely thought I would be safe, my wounds healed and find direction for my life became the worst hurt of all. the church. Romances, friendships, work, church, and family at some point in the course of all of those encounters my safety system was going off and I ignored It. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Dotum", "sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>The point I am trying to make is that we are all born with the ability to protect ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We just have to listen to the alarm when it is sounding. Danger Will Robinson danger danger.</span></div>Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-19337498358484059222011-01-31T05:21:00.000-08:002012-09-22T19:40:43.773-07:00The Heart of the matter<span style="color: #fff2cc;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: white; font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">I know you all are probably thinking where did she get this title from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well I’ll tell. For the last month almost everyday I have been listening to India Aries’ version of this song on YouTube. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone now and again I find a song that happens to fit my current state of mind or how I am feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As many of you know about 7 month’s ago about 30 of us were laid off due to our positions being eliminated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>is a story I won’t rehash. However the effects of not having a job were unexpected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The loneliness, the blow to your self esteem, the anger, the fear of not being able to pay your bills however small they are and the way people treat you because you are in a vulnerable position they say and do anything they want to you can be a bit much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I finds the song and I’m listening and bobbin my head then she starts singing the bridge “ I been trying to get down to the heart of the matter but my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter but I know it’s about forgiveness even if you don’t <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>love me anymore. “<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to burst into tears and keep on crying and one day I will and soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to cry because all my adult life I have worked sometimes 3 jobs at a time, now I am afraid to even try to look for a job but I know I have to because my unemployment won’t last forever. I wanted to cry because I didn’t use my resources wisely at my former employer and finish my education.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to cry because I was afraid to live my life after separating from my children’s father and so I allowed the woman in me become stagnant now I want to love again and have no clue where to begin. I let fear rule 90% of my life. I didn’t do things, Go places or live my true life because of fear. Fear that I would fail and all the things that were said about me would be true. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shedding tears for all the years I allowed myself to be mistreated by family friends, co-workers, supervisors because I was afraid to speak up for myself. Saying yes to things that you don’t want to do or don’t have all the information for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Crying because the fear I carried I feel have caused my children to be people they would not be had I not been afraid to at least try to live a little. Now my baby girls are grown. I can do anything I want because I am free to do so and all I want to do is hide and cry because I forgot who I am, I don’t know what I want to do or where I want to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a man that wants to be in my life and I put on my track shoes strapped rockets to them and ran.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why because I am afraid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Damn who ever told that lie stick and stones my break my bones but name will never hurt me was lying their ass off. Word can kill the very essence of people and cripple them for life. Once I finish crying I will get down to the forgiveness part after all that is the heart of the matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>AND THE FIRST PERSON ON THE LIST TO FORGIVE IS ME. DARLYNA RAYE SANFORD. </span></div>
<span style="color: black;"></span>Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-84864500331889237272011-01-18T21:54:00.000-08:002011-01-18T21:54:47.787-08:00He asked me what I wanted in a man.I have been talking to a an old flame who is trying to get the fire rekindled and he decided to ask me what I wanted in a man. I half answered the question because most times when we as women are asked this question we reply like this." I want a man that is good to me and my kids if we have them. Help me pay my bills" and a few other basic responses. Once I thought about the question I realized that there was so much more to what a wanted in and from a man below you will find my response to his question. I did let him know that if he felt he was not the man for the job I ain't mad at him but if he is then he needed to paint the picture of what my life would be like with him.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: JasmineUPC;">I want to love again. I want a man that is God fearing and serving not a religious Bible thumper. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will respect and love my children and I his. A man that is secure with who he is and his role in the relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has a job and enjoys it. He will be my shelter when life becomes too much for me. He will catch me when I am about to fall. When I am cold to my bones he will breathe on me until I am warm. I want him to scratch the itch in the center of my womanhood and enjoy scratching. I want to lay naked in bed and play footsies. The man for me will enjoy me and my company in and out of the bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will communicate with me about us whether it is good bad or ugly. He will hold me until we are one. He will love me without regret or thought. He will be my support to be a better woman, wife, mother and friend. He will not prey on my insecurities or failures. He will respect me as his wife, lover and friend. He will ask and respect my opinion about our future. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want him to take me dancing and traveling. When lying down at night and waking in the morning at the end of the day, through the good times and bad, heartaches and pain, disagreements and laughter he is still glad that he chose me to be his wife. All that I want for me I will be that and more for him.</span></div>Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-3990062826529415162011-01-13T16:45:00.000-08:002011-01-13T16:45:10.119-08:00I want to LOVE again.I was sleeping and I heard Chandra singing this song from Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I opened my eye to find the scene where Helen and Malcolm were dancing and the song was playing and I started singing the song. Why because that is exactly how I have been feeling lately. I want to love again. I can't say that my relationships have been all bad or ended badly I can say that the men were right for me at that stage of my life. I have never been the type of woman that put up with a lot of bullshit from a man. I let them do them and I do me. When he lets me know that what we have don't mean anything to him then it is time for us to part ways. I can honestly says that me and my daughters fathers have remained friends. Damn I done got off the subject. Any who back to the subject at hand. I am ready for love. I am ready for marriage, I am ready to get my back dirty(have sex). I am ready to take care of him and he take care of me.While this revelation made itself clear I was also dealing with a blast from my past. A man I use to date in high school got in touch and is trying to make me his boo. The problem is it has been 30yrs since we have had any contact and he is talking that I love you and I always have and I always thought you were the best thing this side of heaven. I was like well damn. Then my mind got to talking to me and this is the questions it asked. Is he in love with the woman you are now or the teenage girl you were in high school. Is he really in love or is it the ideal of being in love. So I had to take a step back and think this over because even though I am ready to love it has been a longtime since I have been in a relationship and by longtime I mean 18yrs or more and it has been about 7 yrs since I had something to do dick so I have to be real careful not to let the du'fluchie run things when I do decide to let a man into my life. Then I had to think about what I wanted in a relationship, and a mate because one thing was for sure I am over the girlfriend thing. I want to be a wife in a loving, healthy, full filing marriage. How do I reconcile the Mr from the past to the the woman of today. Damn this is about to be a ride I need to get my helmet and seatbelt for this. Heeeeelllllllppp!!!!!Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-81820291776059650362011-01-04T16:51:00.000-08:002011-01-04T21:13:49.910-08:00My inner me had became my enemyOk here we go I have been this journey of self love for the past year and I just had this wall that I could not break down, through or dig under. I had desires that I wanted fullfilled and goals I wanted to achieve but I was lost. Lost because I just didn't know where to start. Then the bomb that blew up my world went off. Is the that my child was stealing me blind and lying to my face even thought I knew and had proof that she did. No. Is it the fact that I live in a house where I am made to feel like an unwelcomed guest that has overstayed their time. No is it the fact that people have taken my kindness and love for granted and walked all over me. No. Alright I will tell what made my world explode. I was at church fixing that computers and the pastor had a meeting scheduled while in her office I asked her what the meeting was about she said leadership my reply was since I am not a leader then I don't need to be in the meeting so we kept on working. Then came time for the meeting and she wanted everyone in the meeting including so I of respect I stopped what I was doing and went into the meeting. Prayer went forth then she opened the meeting with this question." Are you ready to serve and pay this cost to serve or do you still feel you need to be served. Now there were about 15 of us in this meeting and she allowed everyone answer the question but me. when it vame time for me to aswer she said " I am not fooling with you and you will not loose that up in here' and I just sat there stunned and said I didn't say anything and of course everyone else was looking like what is going on.The meeting went on I then looked at the clock. She then said you must be really bored and I wasn't for sure who she was talking to because my friend was sitting in front of me. when I asked who she was talking to she said you and that is when it happened. I got my keys and said I am going home and went into her office got my software and vacated the building. I was so angry but I wasn't sure why. Then the bomb went boom and I realized that my inner me had become my enemy. For years people have used and abused me. As a child we are taught to respect our elders and when you tell your parents or those that are suppose to care for you that so n so did such n such to you or you don't want to be around this person they tell you to stay in a childs place. Parent and family members say mean things to you about your weight or whatever your tender spot is and then when you cry they say it was said out of love. People can tell your family something about you and they believe it before they even come to you for your side. What goes in my house or family stays in my house or family and meanwhile your being molested by grandpa, cousins aunts uncles or whoever else want so get there funky off at your expense and slowly the inner you becomes the enemy because it won't allow you to stand up and fight for yourself. You know you are good people but your self esteem and self worth has been stripped to zero and now more that ever you want to live for you. You want to love and be loved the way you dreamed of all those years ago. By her not allowing me to speak just reinforced the noboby want to hear what you have to say. It has been several days since that incident and I now know that if i don't speak for me even if no one care to hear it. I have the right to speak for me. So my inner me will be my advocate instead of my enemy.Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-6088094948674369512011-01-04T14:37:00.000-08:002011-01-04T14:37:16.156-08:00Thank you<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Thank you for your words of encouragement and support in my good and bad times. I tried blogging before but I really didn't get into it because I was afraid that what I had to say would hurt someone feelings and no one cared about what I had to say anyway. Then I asked about a blog and he gave me several site. Then he said something that gave me the courage to be honest and open and to know this blog is about me and how I feel or don't feel. what I think or don't think. You said "LET IT ALL OUT nobody ever said that to me. I feel my life would have turned out so much more differently if I had a support system that was interested in me and my wants instead of their wants for me. So I finished building my computer and damn I am liking this desktop I put together. Then I popped in Ruben Studdard's last Cd and I am off. I feel a lot of tears coming, fears leaving and the old person who got lost in the battle of living is about to win the war of life. Thank you my friend. I do love and appreciate you and your love for me.</em></span>Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6984423915166546082.post-11703935214989318582010-12-19T23:03:00.000-08:002010-12-19T23:03:08.098-08:00Hard lesson but one learned<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have experienced a lot of changes in my life over the last six months. From losing my job, cutting off all of my hair but the most devastating was the death of kris. But before she left this life Kris gave me something that I will never forget. We were talking about her illness and I asked her if she wanted me to inform people we had in common and she said NO because they would not care the way I need them too. So time goes on and my desire to see Kris and her daughter Faith was growing stronger. She was constantly on my mind and so I decided to suprise her and go to where she was to be on Friday and take her home so we could talk and I could see Faith. I waited for about 1 1/2 hr and she never came out of the building so I went home only to have the phone ring 30 minutes later informing me of her death. While I was waiting to suprise her she was leaving us. She left behind a 5yr old daughter for us to love and cherish. We all who love Kris will now shower it on Faith. Kris lesson to me was clear out and stay away from those who can't or won't love you the way you need them too and make sure that those you love know it. My comfort is that she knew that I cared for her and Faith. My regret is that I did not go to her when the desire to see her and Faith first struck. I kept saying I'll call tomrrow or I'll go tomrrow and in this case tomorrow was to late</span>.Powder Sugahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12731929732915569777noreply@blogger.com2