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This weekend brought about a few ups and downs. My sister came home to visit from Texas. My mom and her meet me at Chipolte for lunch/dinner. I spent some time with my baby girl we were talking and I told her that I only wanted the best for her and she was saying that she wished she had went on to finish school. I told her that there is a whole big world for her and her sister to see and that I did not want them to look back on their lives and have a lot of regrets. Out of the mouth of babes is what I always heard my granpa say. She said mom I don't regret anything I have lessons learned. Such a simple statement but it spoke so loudly. It just kept repeating in my head. At 12 midnight I was the end of the 30 day challenge that I committed to and let me tell you it went down in flames the first to weeks but I kept at it and I am glad I did
     My mode of operation is when I mess up on something I just stop and don't complete what I started but this time with help from my Kengi. Who said just start again tomorrow so I did.  Some days would be a success and other would be a test but as I continued the real thing that I needed to work on pushed its way to the for front like a gang buster. Saying NO and putting me first. This has been a very distressing issue for me and several others I know including my daughters. I could not figure out why is was so hard to say such a small word. Two letters N O. Then I began to reflect. Saying NO brings negative emotions. We feel guilty rejected or selfish. I was never told that NO to someone or a situation was right. So as I grew up and life went on I found myself in very unconfortable situations. But I kept right on saying yes when I really wanted to say NO NO and HELL the NO. Fear of the person being angry, me feeling guilty or selfish.or rejections. Septembers challenge started out about superficial things but ended on a deep issue that has held me hostage.  We must teach our children and give ourself permission to say that small yet powrful word. I now know the power of this small word those two letters. I understand and know that it is very very very ok to say Hell to the NO NO NO .